Was it really about LASIK?

nope, it's not about LASIK, it's about being desired.

The other day, I found myself wanting to get LASIK. It would be fantastic to stop wearing glasses. Then I found out I can’t have it. I got so bummed. I wanted to get out of the disappointment mode right away. So I walked home and had a little chit chat with the Big Guy. I asked Him what do I need to learn off of this. Then He asked me.

“Why do you want to have LASIK in the first place?”

“Cause I want to look more attractive.”

“Why?”

“Because I want Butch to notice me. I feel like lately he hasn’t been giving me much attention. He’s always so preoccupied elsewhere.” ( I swear sometimes, I wanna bundle G.O.D., PSP and laptop and throw it outer space)

Wow. He’s really one heck of a therapist. My real motive surfaced with Him asking me 1 question- WHY.

Then I realized, Butch is busy with the job that gives me a good life. And that all he’s doing is for my own good. Then, thoughts just flooded my head. I think they were from the GREAT THERAPIST.

Sometimes husbands don’t need attractive-looking wives. Most of the time, they need TENDERNESS. And when wifey offers this after a long stressful day at work, everything else will follow.

To be desired is what every woman wants. Why do you think she powders her nose or sacrifices pain for beauty? She wants to be wanted. Does she really need to focus on what she looks like in order to be desired and wanted. Yes, but she also needs to show tenderness.

Went to my notebook and wrote this…

TENDERNESS- sympathy, gentleness, kindness, kindheartedness, fondness, love, caring, affection, warmth, compassion, softness

Tenderness is what every man needs. Tenderness from a woman. A man’s world is fierce enough. He needs to go home to someone tender. Someone who will understand, care, listen, take his side. He can go home wounded from the fierce battle a man fights every single day but the woman nurses him back to strength. She inspires him to go back to battle.

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! Sorry Lord, I don’t think I know how to do that. Up to this day, I seriously don’t know what possessed Butch to marry me. I’m anything but tender. I’m loud, harsh, and self-centered. CRAP!

If I had my way, I do not desire to be desired. I’d really rather not think about it. Maybe that’s why I wanted to be an old maid. Falling in love and marriage involves getting disappointed many times. I refused to get hurt. I didn’t want my happiness to depend on anyone else. But I think, this desire to be desired thing is part of being a woman. And the GREAT THERAPIST said I should embrace my femininity. This is something I am seriously trying to do. I remember this verse in Genesis that says

“…Your desire will be for your husband…” Genesis 3:16.

This is one of the curses that sin brought about alongside male domination and trouble in pregnancy. But wait, I am redeemed. I am not cursed anymore because of Jesus.

4 a.m. Hubby and baby still sound asleep. I woke up and sat down on Nigel’s play mat. Jesus came and said stuff.

From now on, I am your Husband. It’s you I desire. Do you not know that I think about you night and day? Your name is written on my heart. I will always tell you how beautiful you are. I will always take you out on dates. Your earthly husband can only give you things you need as a physical being. But that desire to be desired can only be filled by me. And I will never leave you unsatisfied.

You say you do not know how to be tender. Well, let me fill you up with my love and then, tenderness will flow from you.

Judith Made Me Paint my Nails.

After my last pedicure, I decided never to get one because it’s a waste of money. Days later something inside me was dying to paint my nails. Aaaaargh the girlie-girl in me is trying to come out again. Dad seems to be teaching me something…

Embrace your femininity.

For almost all my life, I’ve tried to do away with it. Well, I’m not gay or anything and I’m all woman but the girlie stuff like make-up, flirting with boys, clothes, tweezing and the frilly stuff kinda made me nauseous, itchy and downright uncomfortable. I disregarded the do-your-own-pedicure notion. Then yesterday, I read about Judith in the Catholic Bible we have lying around the house.

Judith was a widow. In the story, Nebuchadnezzar’s army under the leadership of Holofernes was threatening to invade Israel. They wanted the Jews to worship and recognize Neb as a god. To make the long story short, Judith with God’s guidance was able to stop the invasion through her military tactics and strength. Nope I’m kidding. She stopped the Neb’s army with her charm, wit and faith.

2 things I like about Judith.

She knew how to rightfully respect God

This made her very wise. After all isn’t it the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom? Fear meaning reverential fear and respect for God on account of His sovereignty, goodness and justice toward men (Catholic Bible definition). Judith had insight on the times and seasons and knew God’s character. When the leaders of Israel were panicking and almost succumbing to the invaders, she knew exactly what to do. She could not allow the name of the Lord to be disdained so she fought for His honor.

And because of this…

God listened to her.

I’ve read stories in the Bible about God instructing men on what to do to overcome invaders and such. But as seen in the Prayer of Judith in chapter 9, it was her own plan to go to the Assyrian’s camp and behead Holofernes. And because God was pleased with her, Judith was able to carry it out successfully.

Picturing Judith putting on her festive garment, wearing perfume and beautifying herself for the task at hand, I got more inspired me to do my nails. That night, I took the nail polish and pedicure set I see lying around the house and went to town with my toe nails. Surprisingly, I enjoyed it very much. As I painted my nails shimmering bronze, I felt the Lord’s presence (which made it sooo exciting) and He told me…

Embrace your femininity that’s where your power lies.

Embrace your femininity and there you will find Me.

Oh Mary!

I never really thought about it before but Mary, Mother of Jesus is really blessed among women! Sitting on His throne in the heavens, God scans for virgins to be His earthly mother. Then he finds Mary. Humble and faithful Mary. The Lord probably looked down from the heavens and thought, “I’d love to be “mothered” by you. Oh what favor!

We cannot choose our mothers. But God had a choice. And he picked Mary. It was inside her body that our God grew. From her breasts our God nursed during infancy. It was her hands that nurtured and comforted our God as he grew up. What honor!